My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
