It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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