Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
