Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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