I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
