Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
