We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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