Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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