I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
