Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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