I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
