Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
