saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize