The maid of honor just puked.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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