I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
