The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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