i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
