if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize