I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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