I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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