I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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