Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
