I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize