he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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