so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize