She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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