If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
