Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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