college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
