I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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