I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
