TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
