I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
