if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
