She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm always down for nudity.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
