You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
