I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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