yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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