Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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