hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
