Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
