Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
