Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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