I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
