I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
