If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
