The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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