my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it glows. i had to have it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
