Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
