I just made out with a guy for $7.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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