what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
