Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
