Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
