I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
