I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
whose ass print is on the piano?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
