I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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