why didn't you poke me back
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
