batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
