Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
