Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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