no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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