he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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