Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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