Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
