I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
