Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
