He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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