two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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